


Of Onsen-Holly Water

by Moe_Bear



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, I actually love Yuri, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-09-02 22:22:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8685586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moe_Bear/pseuds/Moe_Bear
Summary: So, here’s the deal: in order to achieve such perfection, one must obligatory have contracted with Satan himself. There is no other explanation. Yuri Plisetsky is damn sure about it.





	

So, here’s the deal: in order to achieve such perfection, one must obligatory have contracted with Satan himself. There is no other explanation. Yuri Plisetsky is damn sure about it.

And okay, he may himself have looked up to Viktor Nikiforov with unabashed admiration, but now that he has seen the person up-close, he knows the real deal. His reasoning is perfect and devoid of any flaw, which explain why he must act up on the situation. So, what if no one would believe him? This is not unheard of in history. Having to go against mankind’s general opinion of somebody and being the better man.

Which is why, Yuri Plisetsky, fifteen, future top skater of the whole world, must do the do all by himself. Now, he just has to be brave about it. And maybe, Yuuri would even thank him for that, for saving him before it was too late, for realising what was going on all on his own.

That’s right, Yuri is about to become a whole new level of legendary: The Demon Slayer Tiger.

Damn. It has such a nice ring to it!

 

___

 

Salt? Check.

Cray? Check.

Weird-ass Latin text printed of some dark corner of the Internet? Check.

Candles? Who uses candles in the 21st century? A bedside lamp is totally gonna do the trick.

Holy water? Does onsen water count? Probably, so also check.

Witness slash Potential Dog Sacrifice For Him Not To Be The One Ending Up Dead? Makkachin will do.

Yuri is a GE-NIUS.

___

 

And before anybody can bring it up, nop, it does not have anything to do with stress competition. It is a hundred percent rational thinking there. Yuri is a very logical person, thank you very much.

___

 

The plan is on point, totally on point, until moving his target off their bed comes into the picture.

It’s fucking 3AM so calling for help is off the table, but, hey, backing off is not an option either. Yuri is just going to improvise. Like the motherfucking pro he is. Forget the cray, hop on the Plan B ban-wagon.  

Plan B is also a very solid option that requires a sheet of paper and a marker. Much more permanent. Much better. No drawing on the floor. Much more discreet. It’s just like the Heavens are on his side tonight and if that is not an indicator that Yuri is right, he could burn his entire collection of leopard prints. Which says a lot about how confident he is.

First step consists of spreading salt in a circle around Viktor’s futon in a nice, neat, even circle. First step is easy and managed in a few second. It makes quite a bit of noise but not enough to wake Viktor up. It is worth mentioning that the circle is not really a circle and looks disjointed at parts. Alas, what can you do, Yuri is a skater, not goddamn Chagallov.  

And it should be a good indicator of how badly drawing a pentagram goes. Also known as step two. But Yuri is a man on a mission and details are not what matters at the moment. What truly matters is burning Viktor’s demonic soul right back to Hell, just where it belongs.

This means that even if the pentagram has one too many end, Yuri is going to tape that to the man’s chest and proceed with the rest of the program. Whoever said that the devil is in the details clearly underestimated the power of will and Yuri is about to prove just that.

Just let Satan watch.

(And hopefully come to him.)

Admittedly, after that, Yuri is not entirely certain how things should go on.

Does he have to light up the lamp? Will Satan do that himself when he will answer his calling? Will it be Lucifer? Will it be Lilith? Does he have to sing the text? Does he have to dance around Viktor?

Yuri is not about to be deterred by such technicalities and just plops his hand right between Makkachin’s ears. To connect the poor dog’s soul to his own. And to be completely honest, to let it burn in hell instead of him if things go awry.

What? Yuri is not cruel but he is much more of a cat person and much more of a Yuri person. He is also aware that sometimes, things don’t go as planned and better have a backup than rotting in Hell with Viktor Nikiforov, filthy liar who forgot his promise, for the rest of eternity.

Plus Viktor loves his dog. See, he is such a thoughtful person!

He decides against dancing around Viktor because clearly, this is not a Tchaikovsky ballet. So he just whispers the text in front of him while groping Makkachin as much as he can.

Yuri has never taken any Latin class, is reading a fucking exorcism in the dead of the night without so much of a clear lighting and has no idea if he is even following protocol, so maybe this is doomed to fail but he isn’t about that train of thought. He is all about success tonight.

Ok, he may be a bit doubtful too.

But that’s just a tiny portion of himself. The tiny portion that repeats again and again that he should be sleeping and that his sorry ass is going to be, well, sorry during training tomorrow.

Agreeably, not an important portion, then.

___

 

Yuri recites the text five times. Each time a completely different thing if he is honest. Again, dead of the night, no latin, maybe not so-trustworthy Internet.

But fucking-finally, Satan answers him. The light in the room goes on full blast and Yuri, well Yuri is prepared for this moment. He opens his bottle of Onsen-Holly Water, pours the content on Viktor’s face and starts yelling the text with all his lungs.

Only to be met by a wide-eyed Yuuri, looking way too good to have just been woken up and wandering in the corridors to see what the all the ruckus was about.

Maybe the fact that he is half naked and holding his pillow should be a dead giveaway too.  

Yuri could spend some time explaining what is going on, could try to justify his case, but he sees the look on Yuuri’s face and understands that the older skater definitively is not going to be on his side. Also, hearing some grumbling coming from an almost awake Viktor is totally not a key factor in Yuri deciding the get the hell out of here.

___

 

If everybody notices the huge dark circles under Yuri’s eyes and the weird looks Yuuri keeps throwing him in the morning during training, nobody mentions it.

But Yuri is a man of perseverance. His tasks will not be dropped until complete.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no explanation, but come and chat with me on Skype @hebichou if you're not scarred for life.


End file.
